imperfect-

2009-01-26T22:35:00.002+08:00

CLICK! :D

2007-10-15T21:24:00.000+08:00

gosh i miss blogger alot.

anw i came in actually to reply tags, hahaha. :D

tag replies:
Lydia: ahahah i can okay! i just forgot it was a holiday. ): anw i'll miss seeing you around in school.
Dionne: ahhaha i still wanna go ikea! though i have nothing to buy but, i like. :D
CherylL: yes i might consider. migrating to japan means there's a possibility of seeing ______. (: (:
Stella: huh really, haha hello then! (: yea it's just that sometimes people don't see how much effort you put in you know? but it doesn't matter alrdy luh. :D
Kw: haha yay must help me! everything seems fine now, i've forgotten what the whole issue was about alrdy. <3!
Alvin & Haoyee: haha thankyou! (:

yay done. (:
& thankyou for all the wishes everyone! <3!

okay back to xanga.
i think i should lock my blog soon D: but i don't know how. ( don't laugh at me )

2007-10-13T20:49:00.000+08:00

2 more days to go.
& i feel like disappearing.

):

2007-10-13T18:40:00.000+08:00

is any kind soul willing to help me with my xanga?

like putting a tagboard & changing skins and stuff, cause i don't really know anything about xanga, really suck at this. ):

think i'll be blogging more over there. (: if anyone wants to know the url, you can always ask me through msn or whatever. but then again, i don't think i'll tell alot of people.

well but i think i'll still be blogging here now & then cause blogger = LOVE! (: i'll never part from blogger :D it's like my bestfriend.

2007-10-13T02:56:00.000+08:00

i think i'm becoming an introvert.

i feel myself shutting everyone else out of my world. i don't wish to talk to anyone. i think talking is a chore, i think explaining myself is a chore. those who understand me are those i love & they're the ones i'll open up to. those who do not are those whom i'll shut my ears to. i'll block out everyone else, i'll build a barrier.

& anw i think i'll be shifting to xanga. actually it's alrdy up just that it's kinda not completed yet. i find it too open to blog everything out here, so i'm shifting. & only afew people will know about the url (: perhaps i'll lock it too.

2007-10-13T00:12:00.000+08:00

yeah i'm a fcking loser in your eyes. i'm always the one at fault. & y'all are always right. i don't know i'm in the wrong? ofcourse i know i'm wrong. i'm like the worst daughter y'all can ever have so y'all can just dump me by the roadsides. i know i'll survive, somehow. but i think y'all will be happier to see me dead eh? one less person to worry about. & why are y'all even worrying? y'all don't fcking understand me at all. not even that single bit? i guess i'm worst than a piece of shit in your eyes.

everything i try to do, i end up getting blamed. the amount of effort i put into studying gives me such shit results, it's my fault. when i don't study, i get shit results, it's my fault. when i go out to relax after fcking EOYs, it's my fault again. y'all just don't know how much effort i put into my EOYs. y'all don't know how badly i want to do well for o levels. y'all think i'm always slacking like shit and i don't realise how near the exams are. you think i'm still that little girl i used to be? i think you're wrong. all y'all want is study, results, study, better results. have y'all ever cared about how i feel? i'm a human hello, not a robot. maybe i'll become a robot soon, one the doesn't feel the hurt any longer. i'm not a machine that produces papers with A1s all over. i'm a human & i have the fcking rights to live my own life, to knw when to have fun & when to not. y'all don't come telling me what to do, where to go. i'm not a kid any longer. in your eyes, i'm always dumb, i'm stupid, i'm useless, i'm irresponsible, i'm nothing. nothing at all.

you can be disappointed in me for all i care, since y'all don't care about my feelings anymore, no. never cared actually, right from the start. you actually asked me if i knew what heartbreak is. i look at my heart, i think i know it more than you do. i know i've disappointed you, i know i've done wrong, i know i'm stupid, i know i'm never good enough for you. so why not let me go? since you think i'm such a nuisance, such a burden, i'll leave. really soon.

everyone here in this family hates me, well at least i know of one who doesn't. but it doesn't matter any longer. cause i'm intending to leave, & that's final.

2007-10-09T21:57:00.000+08:00

gosh i'm damn bored now.

kinda spend my day watching sanshun & sleeping away. ): besides the failure trip to the gym with kw in the morning. ahaha we ended up eating instead. & i've yet to lose weight! ): & now that i've finish watching it for the i don't know how many times, i have nothing to do. sighhh. maybe i should start studying for next year. but the problem is i don't know where to start. maybe i'll revise all my sec3 work.

& was talking to dionne about changing my whole room. i think i'm gonna throw away all the cupboards and everything, it's like taking up so much space luh. & i'm gonna paint over my wallpaper. :D maybe make it like pink & limegreen. abit contradicting colours but i like! it's damn bright & it'll make me happy yaay. (: can't stand my room anymore, it's like cannot live inside. anyone willing to help me paint? :D

i hope i won't have to move house next year. have been living here for like more than 10years & if i sudd move it'll be like damn weird. but even if i have to move i'll never move out of bishan/thomson area. i've been here since i was born. D: i think i'll spend the rest of my life here, if i don't migrate to japan. :D

sheesh i'm super bored now. i must find something to do before i rot & die. think i'll go & start packing my room.
:D

2007-10-09T13:09:00.000+08:00

went to kw's house after watching jinsanshun ytd.

had quite alot of fun there slacking. :D
we were like having fun cause our exams were over. only wt had amath paper the next day so she was the only one studying. :D
we watched like afew movies & i fell asleep while the rest came. went to youtube & saw some idiots fighting. which was quite lame cause they weren't fighting at all, until the sky literally became dark. hahaha.
had to go home early & so i didn't finish watching 300 ): i badly wanna watch it!

ahah & thankyou pokeshit for the retarded pyjamas & mirror. :D though i think i really have something against mirrors, can't stop dropping them you know. ): & i'm gonna wear the pyjamas once i've finish washing it 10 times. HAHAHA. <3!

i've nothing to do now. ): shall finish watching jinsanshun & xiaolongnu until someone dates me out. :D

sheesh.

i hate my brother i hate him i hate him i hate him like eff. he thinks he's always right & i'm always wrong. FINE, swear i'm never gonna talk to him again. i'll disappear from his life. i'm never gonna meddle with his things again. he can just go and die at the campsite cause i don't really care anymore. i'll survive with one brother & that's enough for me. i'll just pretend he never existed. so much for all the bullshit.

i don't like how my father nags at me every single day. whatever happened to study hard, play hard? if you mean i can't go out to play until late at night, then what's with all the study camps and i don't know, all the mugging shit? if you mean it this way, that means i won't have to study until so late in the middle of the night too? great then i'll spend the rest of my life sleeping away, that's what you want? FINE.

feel like my whole family is against me. fine luh, all go away.

maybe one day i can't take it anymore i'll disappear from everyone. i'll leave this place & never come back.

perhaps on thursday after i get my results back? i'll disappear before anyone finds me.

2007-10-08T08:23:00.000+08:00

omg i feel damn stupid. ):

i actually thought there was school today so i happily went all the way to school to realise that no one was there. well at least the sec3s weren't there. ): but on the way to school i had this sudden bad feeling but i chose to ignore it.

ok & so i get laughed by all the sec4s when i was walking out. great. ): i see my face on the floor.

but on the brighter side, that was the nicest bus ride i've ever taken :D i love morning bus rides, maybe i should wake up early in the morning some day & tour around singapore, anyone interested? :D

haha for now, back to jinsanshun :D

2007-10-06T23:33:00.001+08:00

this whole issue has been haunting me since i don't know when.
so here,

shoutout to _______:
you're a changed person now.
maybe if it was in the past, i would stay neutral about everything. but i see the way you treat your friends, i reflect it on myself & decided to stay away. you know what you've done, everyone knows. you've hurt way too many others. i miss the times we had together, but that was when you were still the old you. now that you're like this, or rather, after seeing the other side of you, it won't be the same anymore. it'll be awkward in the future, but i'll be okay.

said you can put the blame on me.

2007-10-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

i'm writting these letters to you,

i dread art paper. ): probably taking it on monday? i don't know.

was supposed to go to my grandma's house in the morning but i ended up waking at 2 in the afternoon. ): probably cause i haven't been sleeping well, or haven't been sleeping at all since the start of the exams.

but then again, i had quite alot of fun studying for the past weeks. (: i think i'll start studying again soon once i've had enough rest. and i mean really soon. can't live without studying alrdy, it's like part of my life. infact, only now it feels like exams are gonna start soon. ok i think my world's lagging behind everyone else's. ):

went to grandma's house for dinner.
i was quite shock to hear that some friend/relative passed away afew days ago. though i've only seen her once or twice i was quite ): i realised that even while i'm having fun here, someone else could have just passed away somewhere. every time you breathe, someone dies. & maybe soon i'll get used to death. maybe not.

my grandma made me realise that it has been 7months since my grandfather passed away. i could still see the sadness in her everytime she mentions him. yet there was nothing i could do. & yes i remembered i was there when he left. i remembered how useless i was. i remembered how lost i felt. i'll never forget that day.

& while i was washing the dishes i came across this bowl. my grandfather used to boil half-boiled eggs and put them in it for me. at that moment i badly wanted to rewind back to the days when i stayed over at my grandma's house & i got to eat everything i wanted every morning. i don't know, i just felt so loved. & they're probably the best half-boiled eggs i've ever eaten in my life. it's sad how i'll never have the chance to taste them again.

i want you to know that, i miss you so.

2007-10-05T21:35:00.000+08:00

didn't go for art exam today.

supprisingly i woke quite early, like 10am? knowing the fact that i slept at like 430am :D okay i guess i'm probably the last person on earth to finish EYEs. ): heck. wonder how the rest did in art today. sigh i hope it'll still be 100% when i take it.

went to see specialist today.
felt quite intimidated there. ): like they kept shooting me with never ending questions. & he kinda scared me with the whole contact lens issue. they said my vision was blur cause i scratched my eye when i was taking out my contacts. sheesh my poor eye. ): but it's like healing & now i can see quite clearly alrdy :D yayness.

was too lazy to step out of the house again. so kinda spent my whole day at home watching sanshun & xiao long nu :D i love being a couch potato. yaay. (:

& oh gosh i can't wait for cgtt chalet. :D think it's on the 29-31 dec, then count down after that with the rest. :D haha but i think it'll be kinda weird cause i won't know half of the people there. but like it doesn't really matter cause i love chalets! (: kinda miss last year's cgtt chalet quite alot.

& stupid kw happily disappeared. ):

other than that, the world's happy. :D i think.

tag replies:
cherylL: haah <3! see you on monday :D
stel: yoyoyo! ahaha retard!
haoyee: didn't sit for art paper today ): but i'll be taking it another day! i'll need the luck then :D

2007-10-05T02:53:00.000+08:00

ohgosh i'm not going for art paper tmr. ):

which is happy but sad. happy cause i haven't completed the last page of my preps, & i won't have to ___ _. sad cause i'm not sure if i can retake the paper? ): i hope i can, if i can't i'd die on the spot. & even if i can, i'd be the last one to finish EYEs. which is quite sad?

whatever manx.

went to the hospital just now. they couldn't figure out what was wrong with my eye & so i'm still stuck with a half blurred world. it was quite funny how the doctor panicked though :D he like didn't know what to do so he called for help from everywhere. ahahah.

went to kw's house after that for like 5mins. haahah i need to laugh at her. :D
HEHEX. soulmate w0rxz!
i think my life's like hers, there's no night & day anymore. haha i feel quite mean to my dad. but like, give me the keys i drive luh? what you want me to do right right right!

omg i just embarrassed myself.
kinda read OI as QI. it looks alike what, no? with this kinda shit eyesight. ): i'm dying to knw what's wrong with my eye luh. this sucks shitz, can't see anything clearly )':

sigh i don't feel like sleeping yet. i'd go watch simpsons! :D i've been waiting to watch it since forever.
WOOHS.

2007-10-04T19:33:00.000+08:00

sheesh my left eye hurts like shit & my vision is like blur even with specs on. ): i'm quite scared now cause like half the world is blur and my eye is swollen. one thing i know is that it's blur not because of the degree. hope it'll get better, i don't know what's wrong with it. )':

sigh, the whole world is enjoying now & i have to do art with blur visions. ):
i think my prep work is like shit. hope i'll do well for tmr, which i don't think i will.
& i haven't finish my prep yet. ): someone save me.
sigh EYE's quite screwed for me this year. i don't like. i highly think i'd die when the results come back.

anw i just finish writing ______'s letter. (: guess i feel abit better now though the guilt is still in me. but well i can't change anything now can i? guess not.

i hope i'll get pass tmr safely. i hope i'd do well. i hope my eye will decide to get better. )': feel like i'm dying & my whole family's not home.

okay back to art ):

& sadly, you don't exist in my world anymore.

2007-10-03T22:16:00.000+08:00

first i have to say that Amath is a confirm fail.
but well i'm still happy that it's over, & i promised myself i'll do much better for next year. (:
there's art paper on friday, but i won't have to study for that so it's okay :D
guess i'm not sleeping tonight either, maybe short 15min naps in between.
like how me & kw did last night! i think it helped alot. just that math paper was still a killer. ):

ytd & today was love. (:
besides all the unwanted emotions along the way.
met kw, caroline, dionne & wilson ytd to study at khatib in the evening. had quite alot of fun there :D then stayed over at kw's house & like studied throughout the night with naps at intervals. i like! & i think i quite gotten used to not sleeping alrdy. like night & day doesnt make a difference anymore. i just sleep when i'm tired :D

today went with them to meet wilson then went to amk to study. ( correction: do art ) :D
haha yaay no more studying for this week! (: though i'll feel weird not studying for the rest of the holidays cause it's like i'm quite used to it alrdy. it's like part of my daily routine.

& i guess we really learn quite alot this year. like how one stupid decision can kill those around us. & i don't know, kinda realised all the past actions actually affected others. hate myself for that day, the stupid decision to mix two parts of my life together. but i guess there's nothing i can do now.
( i'm writing a letter, it's all i can do. )

i guess that phrase doesn't apply to you anymore. you should really reflect on yourself?
it's pretty obvious, no?
i've never felt so used before.

2007-10-02T00:07:00.000+08:00

i'm starting to feel like the whole world's against me again.
ok not exactly the whole world, in fact they're not even living things.
sheesh i'm nuts.

ok actually i wanted to blog about alot of things but like no mood alrdy.
see luh! all the stupid computer's fault.
ok my brother's making my mood worst.
i'm gonna burst soon.
BYEBYE.

2007-09-29T16:37:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry if you've lost me.
'cause even if we're back together, things won't be the same anymore.
i'm sorry if i made you confused, im sorry if i hurt you.
there's just some things you have to let go in life, though it's hard.

& don't let this affect your studies alright?
study hard, cause it hurts to see you like that.

2007-09-29T02:25:00.000+08:00

Fall Back Into My Life- Amber Pacific
I know it's not enough to say "I'm wrong"
You know that I will miss you now you're gone
I know it's not your life to see this through
Just know that in my heart, it beats for you
So leave a little note for me behind
I swear I have to know the reasons why
This won't survive

But if you fall back into my life
I'd spend every night
Waking up to the beat I hear inside
Telling me to be your only one
But if you fall back into my life
I promise you I
Would never let another day just pass us by
I could never leave this world undone
I wanna be your only one

And now it's not the same with you away
Just holding on to hope to save my days
I won't survive
So just stay with me tonight

But if you fall back into my life
I'd spend every night
Waking up to the beat I hear inside
Telling me to be your only one
But if you fall back into my life
I promise you I
Would never let another day just pass us by
I could never leave this world unsung
I wanna be your only one

But if you fall back into my life
I'd spend every night
Waking up to the beat I hear inside
Telling me to be your only one
But if you fall back into my life
I promise you I
Would never let another day just pass us by
I could never leave this world undone

I could never leave this world undone
I wanna be your only one

2007-09-29T00:52:00.000+08:00

omg i feel like i can't differentiate day & night anymore.

just woke up from my 2hour sleep since just now.
can't believe i just fell asleep like that without bathing or anything. totally blanked out the moment my head touched the bed. D: i think i had a dream too, though i can't remember what it is about.

i'm still wearing my contacts & now i can't open my eyes at all. ( haha i should learn to put eye drops )
& it feels like i've slept for 6 hours and it's like morning alrdy.

you see you see, exam kills! i don't know how tired i am. i even gave up on bathing.

but omg now i feel damn awake i should go bathe then study. :D

byebye!
exams makes the world go nuts, almond nuts?

2007-09-28T22:53:00.000+08:00

omg this feels so like post-exam period.

had Emath & SS paper in the morning.
Emath was quite okay, easier than i thought. but SS was damn screwed up. sigh i can't believe i mixed everything up. wrote a whole lot for 13m question which was totally out of point, & i mean totally. ): this is probably my first time crying over a paper. just felt damn stupid & angry & like hated myself for it. kinda tore the question paper & threw it like across the AS and somehow it landed inside the dustbin :D beams-

went to eat & slack around with the rest.
caroline left for orchard while we went to kw's house to watch movie :D
haha the show was quite nice, it's called school for scoundrels or smthing like that. we slacked and pigged like nobody's business for the whole day. :D haven't felt so free in such a long time. actually it's not that i'm free, just that i don't want to do anything. :/ kinda got a shock when kw mentioned about exams again cause i suddenly remember that we have papers next week.

went to wt's house for awhile after that.
she was playing innocence on the piano :D i like.
i miss colours alot. ):

anw hope things will get better for everyone,
we should all keep our lives simple!

i'm trying to snap myself out of post-exams mood.
):
ok my eyes are not open now & i'm typing with my eyes closed.
sleeps-

2007-09-27T21:14:00.000+08:00

HAHA MY BROTHER'S BACK! :D
ok he looks weird.

2007-09-27T19:08:00.000+08:00

chinese paper quite screwed, swear i was going to fall asleep.

so for the next few days & weekend i'm gonna spend my time doing ss emath and other subjects, start working on art ( i'm not even half done when the paper's like next friday ) & probably random trips to the gym. yaye i love my life.

brainwashes myself.
i know we can do it!
one more week & it's over. :D

no more emotions, tell yourself you can do it! & you will.

yaye i can't wait for exams to be over. :D
after tmr we'd be halfway through alrdy, isn't that great?

grey skies are love!

2007-09-26T22:39:00.000+08:00

this world is getting too sad.
why can't we all stay happy for abit?
)':

the stress is killing me.
& it hurts alot to see everyone around me in this pathetic state.
i don't like this at all,
i want to run away & ever come back.

but i can't.

2007-09-25T21:34:00.000+08:00

i'm trying very hard to concentrate now.
&apparently i can't ):

i really wished there was something i could do,
feel like a useless piece of shit.
)':

2007-09-25T00:03:00.000+08:00

everyone can just shut up about suicidal thoughts alrdy,
it scares the shit out of me.

& everything seems so superficial,
i don't know what to think anymore.

2007-09-24T22:51:00.000+08:00

fck. angst.

you can go & fckg eat shit, bastard.

2007-09-23T22:45:00.000+08:00

ok it's decided that there'll be no more emo-ing/no mood until EOYs are over.
i need more productive self-studying.

no matter how no mood or what i'll just study & it's gonna work out.
i know we can do it manx!

2007-09-23T01:55:00.000+08:00

it's 1 55am and i don't feel sleepy at all.
someone tie me to the bed please? ):

hoho i'm gonna start on development for art soon. (: is that slow or fast? haha i'm quite determined to do well this time round. at least better than the previous one, totally shitz luh. ok i shall not be too confident, later this one come out like shit also.

omg i read through some of my past posts & realise that the way i typed was damn kiddy kind. like you can feel the excitement when you read it you know? haha quite funny actually. wooh maybe i matured over the months :D

haha making dollars? i think i'm making millions. :D

i feel like eating prata house now. ): i should find someone who's willing to go out & eat with me in the middle of the night. :D perhaps my brother? hahah. i think he'll just ask me to order macs ): like we always do.

but the again, eating like that is not healthy. i'll like drown in my own fats, like ____. D: come to think of it i haven't weighed myself since ages ago. haha i bet i put on alot of weight alrdy, but it doesn't really matter cause i don't fly anymore. ):

omg i miss cheer badly. i miss being a flyer ): i realise though i'm like damn scared of heights i've never been scared of being on a stunt.

haha i wanna try & be base next year :D but i think i'll fail very badly. woosh i can feel the excitement for cheer coming!
fast forward, fast forward.

I WANT CHEER NOW NOW NOW. ): why cannot.

ok this is a pointless post & i'm like talking about everything under the sun. moon. but i'm damn bored now. & hungry. ):

walks around without knee joints & waves arms in the air-
"shave me!"
(inside joke :D)

2007-09-21T22:48:00.000+08:00

Gone So Young- Amber Pacific
I never dreamt it'd be this way
I've lost any chance for me to say
To say that I miss you, say that I love you
Will someone please tell me I'm okay

I wasn't prepared for what's to come
A life made of memories gone so young
And now I'm regretting all I've done
But in your heart know that I'm with you all along

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright
I'm in your heart tonight

I never thought that this could go
And take me away from all I know
And leave me to think I'm on my own
But your love will take me, you were the one

Who sat through nights
You held me tight
And made sure I'm okay
And I thank you for the love you gave to me

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright
I'm in your heart tonight

Tonight..

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright
Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright
And if I should fall, I know you're waiting
And if I should call, I know you're there
If ever you cry just know
I'm in your heart tonight
I'm in your heart tonight

it's on replay.

2007-09-21T21:26:00.000+08:00

death is really something that everyone can never get over no matter how strong you are. no matter how hard you try you just can't accept the fact that the person will never come back again.

today is like backpack day :D

haha & it's quite confirmed that we're all gonna stick to this cause it really comfortable.

had english paper today. i badly wanted to cry when i did paper 1. ):
it was about if i was given a chance what would i've done differently or something like that. wrote about him again & somehow it didn't feel like i was taking an exam. more like writing in a dairy? haha i don't know, weird feeling.

only 1 paper down & i'm feeling rather happy about it. it feels like the ewhole EOYs is over. but i hope i won't fail english cause i'd seriously just die if i retain.

didn't go for service today, instead we went to deliver the boxes ( sounds wrong ) to zhong hua. it was quite bad at first, like everyone was in the ohshit mood when mdm nur got really angry. it was really scary. ): but after that things were better, i think.

went to bishan to meet the rest then like quite alot of things happened. headed to bbq pit & intended to emo together there but somehow we ended up laughing. & omg i swear my heart stopped beating for that few seconds. had like more than 10 shocks in that few hours? ): i badly wanted to die. my heart can't take this kind of shocks you know. even the slightest thing can make me cry, & i can't stop once i start.

anw i'm feeling like exams are already over & it's time to start cheer. :D ahaha i can't wait to cheer again! had been ages since i've danced. & we're SO gonna win this year. like the rest can go and fly kite! & then come back with blisters. i freaking want to start cheer now now now. ): i miss cheer homework loads. ah. ):

i still can't accept the fact that you're gone. it shocks me again & again everytime i realise you're not here anymore. i can't find you, & it breaks my heart.

i looked up into the sky today, hoping you could see me.
i sing to you everyday, hoping you could hear me.
if you could, please tell me you're doing fine?
)':

2007-09-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

i guess no one can stop these tears,
only if i had a time machine, it could.
but i know it's impossible.

i should stop before i drown myself.

just want you to know that,
You're in my heart tonight, tomorrow & forever.
i'll never forget you, never in my whole entire life. (:

thankyou for being such a wonderful person, the one ever so close to perfect in my eyes.
thankyou for all the memories,
i hope you're doing fine up there,
tell me what it's like in heaven, okay?

sleep.
it's my only chance. (:
goodnight world, i know they're doing fine.

2007-09-20T21:22:00.000+08:00

stop these tears from falling, will you?

2007-09-20T20:41:00.000+08:00

I never dreamt it'd be this way
I've lost any chance for me to say
To say that I miss you, say that I love you
Will someone please tell me I'm okay

I wasn't prepared for what's to come
A life made of memories gone so young
And now I'm regretting all I've done
But in your heart know that I'm with you all along

Who sat through nights
You held me tight
And made sure I'm okay
And I thank you for the love you gave to me

If ever you cry just know
I'm in your heart tonight.

i miss.
more than ever.
)':

he's the one, closest to perfect.
i hope he's doing fine up there.

2007-09-20T19:07:00.000+08:00

You Are a Blue Crayon

Your world is colored in calm, understated, deep colors.
You are a loyal person, and the truest friend anyone could hope to find.
On the inside, you tend to be emotional and even a bit moody.
However, you know that people depend on you. So you put on a strong front.

Your color wheel opposite is orange. Orange people may be opinionated, but you feel they lack the depth to truly understand what they're saying.

What Color Crayon Are You?

omg i'm blue! hahahahahha.

was feeling like shit when i saw this at cheryl's blog so i took it.

haha well at least it made me laugh to myself for awhile (:

( the thought of pokeshit going " omg jedi you're blue! ")

i dread tmr, alot.

someone please save me. ): i badly need.

there's english paper in the morning, painting & sending the shit box to zhong hua after that, & i think most probably i'm going to the service with the rest.

i'm going to die there.

i'm feeling worst than a piece of shit.

still have 2 byjs to do by tmr i think i'm dying.

can't wait to get over & done with EOYs but then again, the thought of not wanting to be retained next year kills me even more.

i swear i'd kill myself if i ever retain.

i'm not supposed to be this way.

think happy thoughts jedi, think about after EOYs.

fast forward, fast forward.

i think i'm going crazy.

{edit}

fck la.

leave me alone will die?

2007-09-19T22:55:00.000+08:00

ohmy is today talk to jed day?
i don't like, everyone's sudd talking to me.
& realised i choose the people i talk to, quite bad?

& omg for one last time, stop wishing me happy birthday cause there's something wrong with friendster & the date isn't right.
it's pissing the shit outta me.
& it comes to show that selected people don't actually remember your birthday.

motivation jedidah tan! where's the motivation!
my attention drifts to somewhere else after starring at ss textbk for like 2min.
sighh this isn't good.
someone please tie me to the chair & make me study ):
i hate ss.

ah i can't wait to finish art. (:
can't wait to see the end product when i've just started today.
fast forward, fast forward.

hahaha i'm weird.

A life made of memories gone so young.

2007-09-19T20:50:00.000+08:00

i dislike deaths, i hate the word.
it scares me, & i don't like it.
it reminds me of _, the scene kept replaying in my mind. )':
everytime i hear/see about it,
it shocks me again, hits me real hard on the head that the person's actually gone forever.
i hate it i hate it i hate it.

then again, it's only a matter of time.
that brings me back to the question:
why are we even working so hard if we can't escape this world alive anyway?

came home pretty early today.
slept for like 1hr then did art!
i'm finally starting to work on it. 3 cheers for jed!
anw i've decided on the theme flow for art.
i realise all my perspectives of the themes are quite negative, ahaha.

& i've decided that i shan't dread school.
cause it's actually quite ok. (: not counting today.

2007-09-19T17:28:00.000+08:00

Let You Go- Ashley Parker Angel
Broken promises
But you don't really mind
It's not the first time and you know it
Don't you know

Tell me why it is you only smile inside
But when you break me into nothing
Don't you know

It's not like I haven't tried
over and over again
Stupid fights
wrong or right
Goodbye

I remember when you came with me that night
We said forever, that you would never let me go
But here I am again
With nothing left inside
Know I don't wanna
But I gotta let you go

You're the one mistake I really didn't mind
So beautiful, unmerciful
It took me down
Too little and too late
See now I know your kind
You fake it easy just to please me
Don't you know

It's not like we haven't tried
over and over again
Sleepless nights
wrong or right
Goodbye

I remember when you came with me that night
We said forever, that you would never let me go
But here I am again
With nothing left inside
Know I don't wanna
But I gotta let you go

I gotta let you go
It's you
There's nothing I can do

I remember when you came with me that night
We said forever, that you would never let me go
But here I am again
With nothing left inside
Know I don't wanna
But I gotta let you go

2007-09-18T23:09:00.000+08:00

ohno i think i'm going to become retarded soon. ( as in mentally challenged )
yesterday i sniff in so much wall paint & today i just knocked my right brain against the stand or pillar of whatever of the seat at the bus stop.
ah no wonder i have a retarded left hand.
):

ahah omg & i feel so touched when i read pokeshit's shoutout.
gandong (':

to pokeshit:
i just wanna tell you that i'll never leave no matter what happens. even if i can't be of much help to those problems of yours i'd still be there whenever you need me. it's not just another bunch of superficial words & i'm not saying just for the sake of it but because i truely mean it. & don't feel bad/like shit for anything ( besides the fact that you're alrdy a shit ). cause just by being there for me & all the little things you've made/done to cheer me up have definately made me a happier person. we'll conquer all emotions & survive alright? haven't seen the happy side of you for quite awhile alrdy, hope today made you step out of all the you know what-ness. :D

love this unglam shit alot. <3

i shall sleep now.
i'll set a time for myself to go to bed everyday before i go to school looking like some crazy person who hasn't slept for years.

current song playing in my head: let you go.

2007-09-18T21:39:00.000+08:00

omg it seems like ages since i've blogged but i realise it's actually only like 2days? or 1. ok i can't count. ):
i feel like time is really flying away, i've lost count of the days & dates.

i can't exactly remember what happened yesterday.
( sees pokeshit's blog )
ohyes. the stupid white box pissed the shit outta me yesterday.
( why does the word yellow keep appearing in my mind? omg this is weird.)

anw i happily carried the box to school yesterday morning thinking it would be the last time i'll be carrying it to and fro.
& like after i came back from chinese class ( last period ) chan told me that we had to bring the box home to paint it & i totally went out of my mind luh.

went to subway to study & it was quite productive cause we took like one table each & didn't talk alot. (: what's more i love geography. ( though that does not mean i'd do well in it. )
then went to kw's house and like kinda ruined her room by painting the stupid box with wall paint. & like her whole house stinked like shit. ok worst than shit. ):
see, the box is such a pain in the ass.
& even my brother tried to help me hammer the nails but failed. ):

today:
all i can remember about what happened in school was PE.
i slowly strolled my one round of warm-ups alone while the rest jogged their usual two rounds & then slacked with the rest of the supposedly sick people.
haha cby doesn't notice/ care anyway. (:
i meant it when i said i refused to jog.

was doing art throughout lessons.
& i think the teachers kinda gotten used to the fact that we don't actually listen in class/ don't appear like we're paying attention.
then went to zhonghua/huazhong ( aiya whatever the name ) after school.
haha was quite ... about their school. ok quite mean, shan't say anything.
headed to bishan with chan met kw mer caroline qiming there.
studied at subway, ok supposedly. :/
& continued slacking at kw's house after that.

ohno i re-realised that i haven't been studying today. ( pokeshit's worst. )
realise alot of times already just that i'm not doing anything. hahaahah.
cannot, die die must study tmr!
no more refusing! (: i shall try.

we will all be happy kids!
:D
three cheers for pokeshit!

2007-09-16T22:44:00.001+08:00

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside.

2007-09-16T12:24:00.000+08:00

happy birthday tankorwoong!

had a really fun time yesterday.

met chan in the morning to study & zn& hsinyi were there too! :D
haha they gave me a shock when they said the guy sitting inside was k___. (back view) & he was like putting his arms around this girl.
hahah damn stupid. i really thought it was him ok!
soon after that kw wt mer caroline came.
then we went to buy lifesaver & i don't know why somehow we all became happy kids. :D suddenly all so happy, quite retarded.
& then shopped at ntuc! haha i like. (:
mer hsin zn left after that.

& we waited for the rest- qiming ahmad chishun wp.
had head counts! hahah it was damn retarded. labelled our numbers on our hands :D
then we headed to night safari when this shit guy was being damn irritating, kept saying he could help us. ( but then again, the tram looked quite nice! it had giraffe prints on it. :D )
then brian met us on the bus later.

night safari was quite fun!
the animals were huge. haha i still like slow lorris. :D
korvoong & i were slow lorris, so we had to set off before them so that we won't be left behind. hahah.
korvoong emo-ed at times but she'll know everyone still loves her alot, right? (:
there's a limit to what one can do so cheer up ok?
& we got to see giraffe too! loves.
some things happend to qiming after that though.
we should all be happier kids. ):

pokeshit spent her 0000hours in the cab with wt chan me & driver. hahah it was quite funny!
went to laupasat (?) to eat supper/dinner & chan left soon after.
it was fun talking to them :D haha full of nonsence.
i can't stand brian's laughter! omg it's contagious.

went back to wt's house after that.
me kw ahmad slept while the rest talked & i dont know what happened.
i only remember i woke up suddenly & they all laughed at me cause i was damn unglam & my hair was in a mess thanks to korrvoong. ):

slept for like 2hours then woke up cause my back was damn pain cause i was lying on korrvoong's leg for the whole time & like the bed was damn small & qiming took up alot of space i couldn't lean back or anywhere. & it was freezing. ):
went out to watch cartoon. wt ahmad didn't sleep. D:
brian was damn funny! he was sleeping on the floor then the first thing he said when he woke up was "the lady hair like ahmad's!" haha we burst out laughing luh.
qiming bang into the cupboard when he was leaving. hhaha!
( & wt knocked her head against the table when she woke up )
laughs-
wt ahmad went to sleep. & brian sleep-talked but i couldn't figure out. hahah quite funny anw.
slept until 10 then went to church. was abit late but better than previous stayover. :D

haha those people are damn retarded. :D

& happy 15th birthday pokeshit!
don't emo anymore ok? we should try & shoo the guilt away. & you also get over ___ soon. hope your wish comes true whatever it is & that ytd made you happier! i'll give you your birthday hug tmr! (: thumb- much love!

hey there, i'm really sorry.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you.

2007-09-13T22:41:00.000+08:00

i find my posts so contradicting, no?

she's drowning in her own thoughts,
she doesn't know what to think anymore.

2007-09-13T20:13:00.000+08:00

let's all go crazy & pull hair together,
maybe then they'll realise it's too much for us to bear.
i'm beggining to hate this (again).
i really don't give a damn anymore.

fck.
you're making me weaker by the second.

we'll make the great escape.

2007-09-13T18:56:00.000+08:00

2 lousy people just left my house.

haha ok i was supposed to go see the doctor actually, but don't feel like.
i refuse to & no one's gonna make me! (:
but quite irrtitating though, like i can't talk properly cause i have to clear my throat every 1minute & my voice is damn weird now. )':
i wonder how i'm gonna survive tomorrow. i shall survive on hand signs. :D

haven't been feeling like talking lately i realise, except to maybe few people.

heard quite alot of things happened in school today. 3P must learn to be happy kids! we must try our best to be/stay happy ok? (:
& we should stop being rude to teachers too, i hope. esp k___.
like how we couldn't take it anymore yesterday & were determined to get out of class the moment the bell rings.
it was quite mean actually but i couldn't help it seriously.
i think he's given up on us. but well, not totally our fault what.
we should all learn self-control, or at least me. :/

seriously i don't see the point of going to school cause all we do is self revision which is what we do at home/outside.
that means it's the same if we go school or not. right? right.
school's making me do things i'd never do in the past.
like treating every period like a free period,
like ignoring teachers' nags cause i'm too used to it alrdy.
like not going to school when i don't feel like it.
i hate school more than ever.
the only thing that keeps me going on are my friends. (: much love.
without them i think i'd be nothing.
going to school would be meaningless without them, agree? (:
<3!

1more day to go, perservere everyone!

She's going out to forget they were together
All that time he was taking her for granted
She wants to see if there's more than he gave she's looking for

He calls her up
He's trippin' on the phone now
He doesn't want her out there and alone now
He knows she's movin' it
Knows she's using it
Now he's losing it
She don't care

Everybody put up your hands
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
If you've got nothing left
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love

Back it up now
You've got a reason to live
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don't be afraid to get down
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love

i guess i'm happy with what i have.

2007-09-13T11:46:00.000+08:00

~~fck~~ everything,
the world wants me dead.

this is killing me.
maybe one day i'll run away & hide forever.

where's my escapade? )':

2007-09-12T22:28:00.001+08:00

omg i seriously don't feel like going to school tmr.
i hate art i hate everything.

i'm like twirling the stupid wire about & it's getting nowhere.
who knows how to do figurines? ): save me please.

ohfck. screw this wire. )':ouch.

2007-09-12T21:44:00.001+08:00

you're making it hard to decide.

& i don't like it.
):

2007-09-12T21:08:00.000+08:00

haha i just published ytd's post cause i was typing halfway then got kinda busy with some things & i couldn't post it. hahaha how retarded!
i need like 48 hours a day luh. ): that way i'll have time to blog!
alot of people must have missed me while i'm gone, right? right. :D

ok the more i think about it the more i'm beggining to hate art. ):
i hate hate hate datelines/deadlines. ( gosh, have been confused with these 2 words since primary school cause of some stupid teacher ):
anw, i have to finish the stupid project by tmr when i'm not even a quarter done & so i'm not intending to sleep tonight.
have a feeling i will sleep at like 3am. ):

& today was mute day!
haha i realise i quite like not talking. :D
didn't really talk much today, & i learned the hand signs from a to z alrdy. (:
besides the fact that my voice is like kinda weird & half gone. ):
still, talking takes up alot of energy! D:
& now i feel so weird when i talk.
bottom line is: i don't like to talk. :D

ohno i want to skip tmr ): like again.
cause there's mock paper & i have to hand in art.
yucks shoot me.
ok i badly need to study.
once again, i hate art. it's killing me. )':
but i still love art! (:

{edit}
my brother's leaving for NS tmr ):
he'll be back in like 2 weeks time.
omg i can't believe it & i can't get use to not seeing him every morning.
& there won't be anyone randomly coming into my room to poke & disturb me in the morning just to get me out of bed. )':
cries.

2007-09-11T21:18:00.000+08:00

it feels like ages since i touched the computer, haha this feels so weird.

anyway my life have been quite eventful recently.
though quite hectic lately but with all the love, i don't mind :D
ahah sounds like i'm in love!
but no i'm not, just love curry parrty alot. (:
have been studying with them lately.
& you know comparing the amount/rate i study last year this time & now is like D: world difference.
haha i don't know what has gotten into me,
seems like i've nothing better to do besides studying.
like if i spend one day without studying i'd feel damn guilty and like, i don't know. i'll feel damn weird.
i hope we'll still have study dates together even after EOYs, ok ok? :D
like kw said, the only one reason i don't want EOY to be over is because of y'all (:

haha school has been like, i don't know. useless?
like yesterday we had like free periods almost throughout the whole day & most of the time we were self studying & talking :D

2007-09-09T16:06:00.000+08:00

ohno.
i just got into the holiday mood & then there's school next week & it's making me feel sick. ):
had a pretty fun week/weekend with chan kw waiteng merilyn & afew others. :D

kites & stilts were great, lion dance was niceeeeee. (:
met kw chan liping(isit?) yesterday morning & kw's mum drove us to westcoast. studied till around 1pm then went to fly kites!
( stupid cheryl didn't come ):
& kw went on stilts! haha it was really cool!
just that i felt quite sad for them.
& we didn't get to see the closing ): sorry pokeshit.
then went to taka after that. bus ride to town was fun! haha :D i bet we looked really retarded.
anw i really love lion dance! but it's like damn dangerous. ): hairstands-
went to eat at cine after that.
haha i love curry parrty :D it was super hilarious, geee.

anw i don't feel accomplished at all. ):
i've like so many things on my to-do list.
& ART. omg i'm like so dead.
think i should just paint the walls and that's it, i'm dead.
haven't been sleeping enough too. ):
shoot me please.

2007-09-06T22:37:00.000+08:00

thought it was just across the streets the other day,
& now it's almost impossible.

'Cause all I ever want, it comes right down to you.

2007-09-06T00:12:00.001+08:00

my maid just made me very sad.
she was crying while talkg on the phone just now.
): never seen her like that before.

ok so today wasn't a very good day for everyone.

SPA was easy though, 1 thing to be happy about!
hope i did well.

(random)
haha muttons at midnight's so funny :D " you complain!"

anw kinda wasted the day waiting for seats inside outside coffeebean.
those b____es pissed the shit out of me luh. suck shitxz.
spongebob pose-

hope tmr will be a better day!
i'm learning to be optimistic & not think too much into matters :D
yes i can do it manxz.

Baby I would tell you every time you leave, I'm inconsolable.

2007-09-04T22:55:00.000+08:00

i can't find the song " on the side of me" by corrine may. )':

2007-09-04T21:43:00.000+08:00

does hand action-
"hehehehehehhee" :D
& so according to tkw i haven't stopped talking since ytd. have i?
had loads of fun ytd & today! (:

monday
didn't go to school for math lesson. hahah hope no one noticed i wasn't there (: think they did though.
anw didn't go for morning exercise too cause doro was too pig as usual. ): stupid girl.

then went to usual place to study with kw waiteng & ahmad then afew others came later.
hehehehe then we went to watch hairspray! omg i swear i had like laughing gas inside me!
couldn't stop laughing since we reached orchard. :D or was it before that? aiya heck. you get my point. (:
& the movie wasn't all that funny just that we laughed like shit anyway. haha :D
i think i totally embarrassed myself infront of them luh ):
ahh anyhow i love ytd (:
should go out with those spas people more often, it makes me happy (:
besides the fact that i'll throw face. ):

today
went for math lesson! haha it was quite boring like, i stared at the 1st example and went like oh, i understand alrdy.
& so i wasn't listening for the rest of the lesson. hahah!

then went to j8 with caroline merilyn & chan after that to eat.
my gosh, i swear i'm never gonna eat kfc again. ( ok i know it's not true )
ytd i ate half a zinger, today another half.
hahah that means i ate one meal for 2 meals! (:

anw doro came & 3 of us went to gym :D
hahah it was quite fun! though doro had to leave not long after. ):
oh yes, i must do crunches later!
haven't finish exercising. ):

then went back to study with them after that.
haah i love today too! (:

ok i badly want to watch ratatouille. ):
gonna watch with my mum :D
but she's like damn busy & i'm like nyehing her to faster go watch. ):

eeeyur there's like chem SPA tmr.
i really really really dread it.
i so want to skip tmr. ahh dreads. ):
i'm so not prepared but somehow it doesn't seem that important to me. this is bad.

drops jaw-
it's alrdy tuesday.

2007-09-02T22:12:00.001+08:00

(didn't post anything) :D

2007-09-01T23:40:00.000+08:00

i'm not supposed to love you
i'm not supposed to care
i'm not supposed to live my life
wishing you were there
i'm not supposed to wonder
where you are or what you do
i'm sorry i can't help myself
cause i'm in love with you.
):

2007-09-01T22:01:00.000+08:00

i love today!
finally a day spent with my grandmother (:
but you know, everytime i spend my day there i'll grow like 10kg heavier. :/
haah but i still, i feel loved (:
ok i feel stupid cause i took the wrong bus just now.
& so i had to walk like two bus stops back ):
slaps forehead-
hahah i remember there was once i walked a total of 8 bus stops from tayzhiyun's house to mine. :D quite retarded actually.

haha ok i did maths today, but quite little ):
dont feel very accomplished.
besides the fact that i grew bored of studying & drew something for myself! :D
something which seem quite impossible.
ok it has something to do with ______. ):
but still, i'm proud of my drawing!
who wants to see? :D
then again, maybe i'll keep it to myself.
or maybe i'll be nice and decide to show some people (:

someone tell me, 1 or 2? ):

It's so hard to get you Outta my system.

2007-09-01T00:32:00.001+08:00

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning grey

2007-08-31T22:50:00.000+08:00

made up my mind ytd that i wouldnt go school today.
haha but i kinda regreted cause pokeshit said it was fun. ):
anw was planning to study for the whole day but in the end decided to go out with justin they all.

it was kinda weird cause i was the only girl there cause nicole didnt want to go with us. & that stupid dorothy couldnt make it.
so i was continuously being suaned by weixuan. ( oh i remembered his name! )
haha though we stonned for like most of the time i liked lunch at pizzahut (:
couldnt stop laughing when bryan took out his calculator to calculate the cost. & then again at counter.
& i swear i own at reversi! (: the one i played on jenn's phone. haha ok quite stupid. but i like!
then we went to watch evan almighty! haha it was quite funny! ok it wasnt that nice, but still. worth watching (:
after that they wanted to play pool. but didnt in the end i think?

anw went home to get my stuff then went to meet doro & friend ( ohno i forgot her name ) at thomson cc :D
haha we were supposed to study but somehow we went crazy!
esp. that stupid girl! hahah. had alot of fun though (: lovelove!
*hand-touch-head heartshape* :D

ok 2 people just asked me about my weight today alrdy.
haha havent been weighing myself so just leave my weight alone! :/
bet i grew fatter though, hope i'm still like below 45kg. ): frowns-

haha ok jenn just said something that made me smile :D not emo!

& here's..
Quietdrive-Time After Time
Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles confusion is nothing new
You say go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me
I can't hear just what you've said
You say go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has turned to grey
Watching through windows, you're wondering if I'm ok
You say go slow I fall behind
The drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
(I will be waiting)
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

2007-08-30T22:21:00.000+08:00

there you go, & down i go.

)':
Even japan cant save me anymore.

2007-08-28T21:54:00.000+08:00

school totally sucked today.
no, not only today. every single shit day.
i hate going to school more & more each day.
i hate waking up so fking early every morning.
i hate taking that flight of stairs up to class.
i hate sitting in for lessons.
i hate studying & listening to shit teachers everyday.
i swear i'm gonna go crazy soon at this rate.
like how chan & me gave up during the last period & went nuts trying to live in self denial that we were actually in the shen diao xia nu scene, HAHA.
i hate it how teachers like tm2 pick on me but i've alrdy gotten used to it.
i hate how boring the lessons are. like combined chem periods when i start doodling and scribbling all over.
i hate jogging & PE lessons cause i'd rather not move at all.
i hate how the people around me affect me so much.
i hate it when everyone start to go against me when i'm not in a very good mood.
i hate how everyone decides to cramp all the things together especially during this period. like art EYE & kite flying & art project & whatever.
i've had enough of school.
maybe one day i'll really go crazy and die.
i've had enough of growing up. i want peterpan. ):
i spend my day thinking about what ifs.
what if i went to japan, what if i could see ______ again.
what if i could fly away in the rain & never come back.
& then i think again.
guess i'm stuck in this suck shit life cycle of reality after all.

great! what's more to come.
having art lessons without mdm nur next year is i dont know, can't imagine.
changing school in our sec4 year & having early olevels.
and whatever more you can think of.
oh wow. i didn't know life could be so exciting.

all i can do is wait.
maybe for an angel to knock on my door & tell me my time is up.
or peterpan to appear by the window to take me away.
maybe a fairygod mother who would give me everything i want.
or maybe ______ could fly here & make me happier.

some days i'll make it through,
& then there's nights that never end.

2007-08-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

i swear those photos are driving me nuts.
i an browse through them like a million times :D
but then again, they're the only thing i've got that's related to ______ ):

i need to fly there nownownownownownow.
someone fly me there please!
i'll die by tmr ): pulls hair-

2007-08-27T22:38:00.000+08:00

Looking at your picture from when we first met,
You gave me a smile that I could never forget. (:
ah zomg i'm going crazy over ___ i swear!
__'s really really really really ____!
omg omg omg someone save me please ):
can that someone be ___? :D

& i love you shuhui! :D hhahah you just brighten up my day though it's alrdy night! ok i'm not making sense but.
AH i'll look at those photos at least once a day! (:
wide wide smile-
part of me is going crazy but part of me is sad.
i can like hyperventilate & die now. D:

2007-08-27T21:49:00.000+08:00

ohno just read through some of my past posts.
& it's quite sad when i look back and think again, realising how my life sucks now. ):
i miss how close i was to the tabletennis sec3&4s last time during sec2. ):
& now i dont even know who's in and who's not, & going for training like once a month.
i miss the outings & the chalets & everything.
the games we play like polarbear & monopoly. the headcounts the ghost stories, mahjong. i miss. ):
really had alot of fun with them, but i dont think anyone of them will be reading this.
ohwells.

while the memories remain, people change.

2007-08-27T20:51:00.000+08:00

didn't study much today.
but heck i'm quite happy! (:
yaay dorothy's online! :D once in a life time. hahah i miss her ):
hope i'll see her soon, maybe friday? (:
& did i say, i found ep21 of shen diao xia nu? (: (:
but the subs are like in chinese. but still, i understand! beams-
my chinese ain't that bad after all.
no wait, i think i'll screw up today's chinese mock paper. hahah but it's not counted aye (:
cause i was telling dionne how c___ ______ is for the whole period! :D
though it's impossible to reach ___ but i don't care!
let me daydream once in a while :D
ohno i kinda forget what happened in school today ):
my memory is failing me! eeks.

ok youtube sucks there's something wrong with it! ):
i wanna download xiao long nu and fly!~
haahha :D

anw i've decided i'll migrate to japan and go to fukuoka to kyushu high school to that particular class that particular table...
and omg faint.
ok no snap! back to reality. ):
so far away, i wish you were here..

anw hope tmr will be a better day!
ahha ok i realise this is quite random.

tag replies:
pokeshit: haha you sure! mac___nals. AHHA! <3! color="#ff0000">chan: haha you too, i miss ______ alot. ): __'s floating everywhere.
cheryl: ah i love that song! :D
jon: haha yea i was! didn't see you though. can't spot the small little you in the big vivo! AHHAHA! sorry :/

i need a new ~~bag~~back. ):

2007-08-26T12:19:00.000+08:00

在我心上用力的开一枪,
让一切归零在这声巨响.

2007-08-25T23:18:00.000+08:00

put me aside,
you don't care anymore.

changed blogskin. (:

went to vivo with mummy today.
& i swear i can't survive without my mp3
stonned throughout the whole journey.
i need a new one. ):
anw we went to daiso.
& i realised i really really miss japan alot.
the place & the people. ):
esp ______.

& i feel like i'm going back into my own little world.
when i don't feel like seeing/talking to anyone.
perhaps i'm just being me again.

i want xiao long nu. )':

i know i am nothing,
so just get lost.

2007-08-25T00:02:00.000+08:00

maybe i'll never know how it feels like to be loved.

make it hurt.

2007-08-24T22:15:00.000+08:00

oh great, & so my story stops here. ):
i badly need to watch ep21. hope someone will hurry upload on youtube. ah ):

ok i spent my whole day watching xiao long nu again.
& they just left me hanging like that. ):
i dont likeeee.

i wished.

2007-08-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

everything went wrong today.
from everyone being sad to math test to mp3 to blogger.
but well, my day always ends off well with xiao long nu (:
i can like forget about everything that happened and concentrate on the show. (:
ok but the show is quite sad so i dont know. ):
ah i shall not cry anymore.
& everyone should not cry ok! (:
smile & the world smiles with you! :D

ohno, brother came back. can't watch anymore! ): cries-

2007-08-21T22:38:00.000+08:00

ohno i cant keep still and study for long. ): this is bad.
i badly want to watch my show ):
someone save me please?

this is not the way i'm supposed to be!
i keep drifting away from reality/ wanting to drift.
& seriously, math kinda turn me off.
but.

ok i must must must study real hard tmr!
until maybe about 10+ then i'll watch, ok? ok.
oh & there's chem remedial tmr! (: i'm quite looking forward to it!
ohyes! i did quite badly for chem test ): but well, at least it's 2-digit. haha :D it looks nice ok. uh maybe not.

can i have like 48hours a day?

random thought:
sleeping is a waste of time! i dont like.
then again, cant live without sleeping. ahhaah!
ohno, i love sleeping!
ah, shoot me.
BANG! & jedidah dies. i said i'm dead.

wen shi jian qing wei he wu?

2007-08-21T21:23:00.000+08:00

Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time ago
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally gettin’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you.

didnt actually felt like going to school in the morning cause i woke up quite late & i was super tired & i dont know. just didnt really felt like going. :/
& my dad was being so nyeh i felt like slapping him. haha but i'll never luh, say only (:

but well, i guess my day turned out quite fine! (:
besides some internal conflict.
we should all learn to chill & remain calm yea?
think of spongebob & his retarded post everytime you feel agitated!
hahahaha! laugh to myself. :D

ahah & tm2 had her observation today & according to her it didnt work out as planned but well, we were all well-behaved! (:
ahah but she wasn't quite used to us all being so quiet & she was like damn nervous it was quite funny :D
she was going on & on how badly she did.
& you know what!
tm2 has something against me i swear. ):
everyday " i don't want to mention names. but JEDIDAH."
HAAH super irritating. but i think i kinda gotten used to it alrdy.
& i badly wanted to burst out laughing! for some reason. :/

yaay i'm probably gonna watch simpsons on thursday with cheryl :D
hahah cheryl suddenly burst out singing "spiderpig, spiderpig!" super loudly during maths today! it was damn embarrasing! haha stupid girl.
& we were going crazy over xiao long nu today then faridah was quite irritated i guess? haha it was quite funny anyway :D
besides, i love xiao long nu! (:
(watched until ep 11. ok i'm slow but. EOY!)

i've decided to watch 1 episode per day!
after revising for eoy.
i hope i can keep to this promise!
ok i shant sleep tonight until i finish my maths! ):
ok this post is getting too longgg. so not me. :D
haha byebye world!

2007-08-20T20:36:00.000+08:00

ohgosh, i've been watching shen diao xia nu since just now.
if only i could sit here all day long & keep watching.
ah i love this show. (:
cause it makes me forget everything & like be inside the story.
haha i know it sounds stupid but it really does!
i cry & smile to myself people think i'm mad.
if only life could be like that,
if only true love like theirs' still exists.
there're too many if only's, why must people make life like that. ):

but as always, it's back to reality.
& if i dont stop watching now i'll die terribly for EOY.
i should start studying now.
where's my determination? ):

2007-08-17T23:06:00.000+08:00

The Great Escape- Boys Like Girls
Paper bags and plastic hearts
All are belongings in shopping carts
Its goodbye
But we got one more night
Let's get drunk and drive around
And make peace with this empty town
We can make it right

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We wont hear a word they say
They dont know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

Tonight will change our lives
Its so good to be by your side
And we'll cry
But we wont give up the fight
We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs
They'll think its just cause were young
We'll feel so alive

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We wont hear a word they say
They dont know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

All of the wasted time
The hours that were left behind
The answers that we'll never find
They dont mean a thing tonight

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We wont hear a word they say
They dont know us anyway

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We wont hear a word they say
They dont know us anyway

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We wont hear a word they say
They dont know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

2007-08-17T22:37:00.000+08:00

hahah ok i kinda forgot what happened in the first half of the day.
:/

anw went to study with kw at coffebean :D
then qiming came awhile later.
hahah & i drank my 1st hot drink since like. last year?
seriously i only drink cold/normal drinks. :/ not good.
i did chinese & maths!
quite productive :D
though i'm damn slow in doing things.
i shall continue doing tmr! & i'll finish everything by this weekend. yaayness!
ohgosh, & art.
i havent got my concept for the bloody white box ):
getting materials for it tmr though!
haha dont know what materials but i just am. :/

& i just embarrassed myself infront of kw & qi.
thanks to the stupid apple pie. ):
( it's the 2nd apple pie i've ate since i was born, ytd was the 1st. )

& dont raise your hopes too high,
i wouldnt want to disappoint you.

2007-08-17T14:58:00.000+08:00

just looking into those hazel eyes,

gosh my back hurts like shit. ):
ok shits dont hurt. haha.

i seriously need sleep. ):
dark eye circles are coming out
& why? cos of dumb tests.

ok i am damn random. hhaha.

AHHHHHHHHH.
& you know what?!
i dont have photos of heiren! ):
i badly want those photos ): ): ):
even though they dont look as good as in real life.
butbutbut. i want. ): someone give it to me pleaseeee.
haha ok im' slow.
i just re-realised how cute heiren was during free period today (:
"You make me feel so high."

it makes me wanna melt & die. :D

2007-08-16T20:55:00.000+08:00

You make me colourblind.
& then i cant do titration :D

today sucked shit. ):

woke up at like 4am to supposedly study.
then that pokeshit told me she wasnt going anymore & so i flipped through some maths notes & tried to go back and sleep.
went to school feeling quite awake. like brain dead but eyes open that kind.
& math test was like. omg i dont know i die. think the most most most marks i can get is like 8/35. maybe i'll get like 2. or 1. or half.
ok i stonned after the test. as usual.
& everyone else was talking about it & i felt damn nyeh. ):
ohwell it's over anyway.

ok congrat me i went for training today (: like finally.

& omg we have some art project thing that clashes with EOY!
ahhhhhhh like wth luh.
i thought i dont have enough time to study alrdy & this art thing happily come and make things worst ):
ok i shouldnt be blogging. byebyee.

2007-08-15T19:51:00.000+08:00

ah, i'm so dead for amath. ):

i was almost late for school today.
cos the ezlink queue was damn long & when i was reaching the machine like 3 people infront of me it was 7:19 :45. hahah!
ok quite random but. tm2 was talking about it & so i felt like laughing :D
haha 3 times this term alrdy.
tm2's gonna call my father but it's like. he's the one fetching me to school you know? hahaha.
& i remember during sec1 she wanted to talk to him cos i was always just on time that kind but she claimed i was late.
so i was late everyday according to her. hehh.

ok enough crap.

you know what. i think i'm kinda giving up on tmr's test cos it's like i suck at amath.
& i fliped to the wrong chapter & got a shock when i realised i didnt know anything there.
ok i feel really stupid. ):

& i tried to study but i fell asleep. ):
ok i'm prepared to die for this test.
but only for this test!
then after that i'm gonna mug until i die.

huhhh, i wonder too.

2007-08-14T20:03:00.000+08:00

Incubus- Drive
Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..
I'll be there..

So, if I decide to waiver my
chance to be one of the hive,
Will I choose water over wine
and hold my own and drive?

It's driven me before and it seems to be the way
that everyone else gets around.
But lately I'm beginning to find that when
I drive myself my light is found.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..
I'll be there.

Would you choose water over wine..
hold the wheel and drive?
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..
I'll be there.

2007-08-14T19:34:00.000+08:00

omg i cant believe i just scared myself like that ):
eeeks. slaps forehead-

anw i hope i did well for bio test today :D
i think i did. besides the very first qn.
& i didnt have enough time to write finish ):
so i shant have too high hopes.

ok i'm like super dead for maths test.
i think i'll sleep at like 1/2 am tonight ):
since i practically stonning throughout today.
i was damn tired luh. didnt feel like laughing/talking.
ok main point is, i dont want to fail maths!

ok i cant believe it but, i'm actually looking forward to studying everyday :/
like. not school, but after-school studies :D
even siying thinks i'm scary.
but well, it's quite a good thing too.
ok i shall go bathe then studayeeeee.

study hard people! (:

2007-08-13T22:47:00.000+08:00

yaay i saw my ____ ___ ______ again today :D
ahaha everyone can stop trying to pop my bubble now cos i've made up my mind that __'_ ____. (:
it's called fate manxz. twice alrdy ok. :D
haha this is getting too underline-ish. ok i shall stop.
but then again, only..2 people know about this. :D ok maybe 3? ahah i dont know.

yaay i'm going to go crazy & studying like shit until EOY.
haha that means i'll go to school looking like zombies.
came up with a study plan with kw & realised that there really isnt much time left & there's like alot of stuff to revise on every single day.
haha but it's not gonna demoralise me!
you can do it jedidah tan! & kw! & qi! haha ok luh everyone :D
(just read kw's tag!)
haha i cant wait too! supprisingly :D

my life revolves around studying now.
which is good. (: besides the fact that i'll go crazy.
& about you, i think you can do whatever you want to.
cos as i said, i once loved you.
but i dont know if i still do.

2007-08-13T17:14:00.000+08:00

ohmygosh. cant really remember what exactly happened today.
all i can remember is, i passed my geog test! :D
ahaha i was quite happy when i saw that i got 12/25 cos it's like 2 digits then realised that i failed by half mark.
so me & cheryl tried to search for that stupid half mark & in the end i got one more mark! (: yaay, so now it's 13/25. HAHA.
others were happy cos they had like what. A1, B3?
it's quite amazing how i'm as happy as them though i passed by like half mark. haha but heck :D
as i said, this is my first test that i've pass since i dont know when!
so i should be happy, right? right.

ok i'm more than determined to do well for bio test tmr!
as for maths on thursday, hoho. i dont know. but i'll try (:
EOY is in like a month's time you know? not midyear haoyee! tsk you.
i'm gonna set a study plan for myself :D
i'm so gonna do well & no one will stop me.
yes jedidah tan, that's the way!

ok shut.
go bathe byebye! :D

2007-08-12T20:28:00.000+08:00

huh, what do you expect me to say?
i dont know what to say anymore.
perhaps, happy waiting?
now you're sorry.
seriously, what's your problem?
you're telling me only now?

2007-08-12T20:05:00.000+08:00

huhhhhh.
now tell me, what do you want?

2007-08-12T19:26:00.000+08:00

i cant bring myself to concentrate & study for the next tests ):
gonna fail like anything.
slept/stonned for the whole of today.
tried to study but really couldnt concentrate at all.
well you know, i tried.
heyhey, get back to life.

change once to now?
what do you mean?
i thought you alrdy got someone else.
& you're telling me you regret now?
abit too late dont you think?
if i follow my heart again,
it's not gonna be the same this time round.

2007-08-11T22:07:00.000+08:00

ok i have a few things to say to 2 people:
YOU.
good or bad? it's for you to judge.
perhaps i've brought more hurt than joy to you.
but you cant blame me, after what you did to me.
i hope you still remember how you didnt have time for me at all.
& look who's the one dwelling in the past now,
i once loved you.
& to that qn, i dont think i have an answer to it.
cos all i did was to follow my heart.

&YOU.
i guess i didnt really understand you for the past few days.
i'm sorry we left like that, we were really tired of waiting.
but i hope you know that we still care for you.
& we miss you like shit. stop making us worry ok. ):
pls meet up soon? <3 & pls reply me you lousy shit.

this 2 people will know who they are.

& then i start to doubt;

2007-08-11T10:40:00.000+08:00

if i could just get bang down by a car or bus or lorry,
maybe then i'll finally be happy again.

ok. what?
those words arent directed to you if you didnt realise.
& i've long gotten over you.
i think.
maybe i had an answer to your qn. i dont know.

maybe no one needs me anymore/

2007-08-11T10:17:00.000+08:00

i hate this life.
i dislike this feeling.

if only i could go back to the past/

maybe no one needs me anymore.
maybe i could disappear.

2007-08-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

ok nothing's right.
as i said, i should stay at home & sleep so nothing will go wrong.
i did that. but i guess it didnt help. ):
& i love spending time with myself.
ok maybe not.

& what's wrong with you.

2007-08-10T11:52:00.000+08:00

you dont know.

2007-08-09T22:57:00.001+08:00

i wont wish you well,
cause i know it wont make a difference if i did anyway.

2007-08-09T00:14:00.000+08:00

omg i'm having the creeps.
kinda regretted watching disturbia now i cant sleep ):
we were freaking out throughout the movie luh.
ahhhh someone save me ):
wonder how i survived shutter the last time.

ok didnt go school today & like slept until kiat called me.
haha it was quite funny though. didnt really hear what she said. :/
then met kw & her mum fetched us to vivo to collect kw's sweater from merilyn.
then went to sakae & met qiming there.
talked about all the scary movies in the world & freaked ourselves out.
ok i wasnt until they mentioned saw. like all the gorry stuff. ):
ahha & we wanted to have movie marathon!
but like. after watching disturbia we decided not. :/

stonned at cathay for like afew hours while waiting for the rest.
& i was damn tired though i slept for like 11hours? like something's wrong with me ):

ah i cant sleeep.
& it's 9August.
should i..? maybe not.
maybe you've alrdy forgotten i existed.

2007-08-07T22:14:00.000+08:00

omg it's 9August in 2 days. ):

it kinda sucked for me for the first half of the day cos firstly i was freaking sleepy. like you know close eyes only will start dreaming kind.
then had PE & my sides hurt & i was dying ):
& then i dont know what luhh.
i just know it sucked ):
but somehow art made me & chan happier (:
though we were dreading it before that.
then went for ACS harmony night.
quite disappointing cos you know, but haha nevermind. :D

went to town with kw chan & amadea to eat after that.
ahah quite funny how we went crazy over the movie trailers. but it was really omg!
& OMGG i want NEED to watch DISTURBIA badly!
it looks damn interesting :D
i want to watch now ):
but nevermind! fret not cos i'll be watching it tmr :D

ohyes. dont think i'll be going to school tmr ):
dont like. & i must catch up on my beauty sleep!
haha sorry pokeshitxz you can take a video of your dance tmr & send it to me! :D

haha till then,
byebye world :D
off to wonderland;

2007-08-06T16:49:00.000+08:00

ah i feel like shopping.
i need a new mp3, leather bag, bigger pencil case, & i dont know.
ok i think screwed up today's chem paper.
but i dont know luh ): just hope i pass. or at least get double digit. hehhh.
passed my e math paper but wasnt very happy with it either.
heck i'm gonna do well for the next 2 papers :D
but for now, i dont feel like studying ):

anw tag replies:
i call you that girl: haha slow :D hope tmr goes well! ):
cheryl: huh what point? that i'm fat? ):
haoyee: haha let's be happy people alright! <3!
kw!: haha i'm happy cos i have shitxz :D i <3 shit!
irdayu: hello! :D haha linked!

done! :D

2007-08-06T16:37:00.001+08:00

there's no such thing as forever.

ok abit random.
someone once told me that & i still think it makes sense.
ohwell.

2007-08-05T22:37:00.000+08:00

haha i'm happy (: i think?

ok i dont feel like blogging alrdy cos i feel like sleeping :D
hope nothing happens tmr.
dont ask me why i say this cos i dont know why. hahaha.

& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me.

2007-08-03T23:56:00.001+08:00

i've decided.
1. no matter how much people dont like the way i am, i am who i am & i dont really care anymore.
2. well, what you said really hurt me alot. but i guess it's just that you think differently from me. but still, i'll prove you wrong.
3. i have my own life & i'm old enough to know what i need to do so y'all should just shut up & leave me alone.
4. people can stop looking down on me cos i'll show them what i'm made of. & i mean it.
5. i should be happy & i am (:

2007-08-02T19:52:00.000+08:00

i woke up today & thought that everything was over.
i thought i could stop thinking.
but it started off like shit i swear.
thoughts of you you you you you you you you you & you kept running through my mind.
& i felt like the whole world was against me.
but i was being really selfish. i'm sure we all went through these before & why am i the only one being like that?
i've been thinking alot lately & i think i should stop.
was practically stonning in class.
& i'm really sorry for being so what today ):
& tm2 just had to make my day better. haha but i think she knew smthing was wrong with me & she was quite nice to me after that :D

went to NAFA after school for art exhibition!
& all of us were super irritated by the kids running about in a freaking museum. i bet they destroyed like at least 10 pieces alrdy.
i have to learn to keep calm. ( do spongebob pose! )
& omg today was super freaky.
like i randomly say or think of smthing and it really happened. like 6 or 7 times alrdy?
ah so jinx ):
like i had a really bad feeling on the bus just now & when i step down the bus this old man fell quite badly right infront of me & i was like. omg. again ):

ok i guess today wasnt that bad afterall? :/

sometimes i really wonder what others think of me.

{edit}
omg just saw this guy on friendster & was wondering why his name was so familiar & i realised that he was my table partner in primary 3 or 4 cant rmb. but still! ahha quite amusing how we use to be quite close. drawing dragons & unicorns everyday (: looking at his photos i feel so..i dont know.

& anw i've decided that i dont like you! ):< like, go away.

2007-08-01T23:13:00.000+08:00

it was once a wish/hope/future, something i could look forward to;
now it's but a past.

& so i wonder;

2007-08-01T22:21:00.000+08:00

can someone please tell me why i'm feeling like this.?
for whatever reasons,
i feel like crying. alrdy am.
i dont feel like talking to anyone.
i get agitated so easily.
i dont know where to vent my frustrations anymore.
&, why am i even frustrated?

& i suck.
i am so fking tired when will this ever end what the hell is wrong with me i dont like this.
make others happy & give me shit. i dont give a damn anymore it doesnt matter if i'm happy or not.